Maybe Your Heart Needs a Deadline?

By Kate Lemay, Artist of Conscious Evolution

There are two ways of being for me: times when I am creating and making art, and times when I am not.

Running overnight camp communities, leading retreats, being a mom, being a sister or daughter, being a friend or wife—these are all roles I am in… but are they being an artist?

My soul aches, and today I tear up feeling the gap in my existence as an artist. There is something different when I am alone with my hands, heart, and soul all working together. It is the time when I feel like… this. Like, “This is why you are here.”

I’m not sure if this makes sense, but for me, my whole life makes sense when I am making art.

I still want to be all of these other roles in my life. But without art… without dedicating time to working with my mind, hands, and heart… there is a hole that is very, very hard to fill.

I have not really made art in over a year.

No writing. No painting. No creating.

Today, I gave myself a deadline to write something, to make something.
It feels like:

“What’s the point?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“No one cares.”

“What’s another day…”

This morning, I went on a hike with Cooper, my eldest son, who is headed off to college at the end of August. He is going to Boston University. He was born and has grown into a beautiful human, and I know he is on his path. Bob and I are so proud of him. It has been an honor of a lifetime to be his mom.

Then I came home and crawled into bed at 2 p.m. I watched a show in the air-conditioned bedroom, snuggled under the covers with a sadness in my heart. I had no one to call. Cooper was done hanging out with me, and on one of my rare days off, I couldn’t really be out and about because it is so easy to get sucked back into work when you live in the middle of your work.

I could have headed to the studio and made art. But that did not feel possible.

I gave myself time.

I felt the space.

I felt sad.

I felt alone.

For a moment, I felt hopeless.

I also knew this was normal.

I’ve been through a great deal in the last few months, years, decades, lifetimes…

It’s safe to rest.

And then at 3 p.m., I remembered…

I had a deadline today.

I owed my dear partner, Christina Alexa, a little creative something for our newsletter.

I owe it to myself to show up for this community.

And then I sprang out of bed.

And I started a couple of crappy drafts of something.

I tried to write on a theme. Yesterday, I tried to make a video. But it did not feel real.

And so… here I am.

Just writing to you.

But I’ll tell you, dear friends, this idea that I can create on demand is real.

I can.

And so can you.

So why don’t we?

Why don’t we create?

If you are creating right now, bravo.

The world needs this from you.

Maybe you are starting a new business, creating deeper relationships with family, cooking, painting, writing, or finding more joy in your life.

If you are not…

I think one of the realest tips I have is:
PUT YOURSELF ON THE HOOK.

Commit.

Say you will do something—with a deadline.

You might squirm and kick and feel bad…

AND what is also available to you is feeling safe.

Feeling like simply arriving, being willing, and STARTING is what matters.

Just start.

Make crappy drafts.

Sit in the chair.

Stand at the easel.

Because it is NOT about the outcome.

It is the JOURNEY.

Thank you for being here, my dear ETJ friends.

Thank you for being a reason for me to show up for myself.

As Christina says in most of our yoga classes, and as I have adopted as my own: “As we honor ourselves, we honor one another.”

And sometimes I flip it: “As we honor one another, it is easier to honor ourselves.”

Christina will be opening her new sacred space in Littleton, NH, on Saturday, August 1st. God willing, I will be there to celebrate this space she built in honor of her son, Joe.

I could not be more proud of you, Christina Alexa, for creating a space from the deepest depths of your heart. For making “Live in Love” not just a phrase or a way of living, but an example of what this looks like in the world under the hardest of life’s challenges.

It is your art.

I hope to see some of you on Saturday.

You can stay overnight in Littleton at Thayer’s Inn. Tell them the word “Yoga” for 10% off.

Christina, thank you for helping me create something again.

I’m rusty… but it’s just like riding a bike.

ETJ Community, thank you for reading this. I love you all so much.

I’m here, and I’d love to make things that help us all “Live in Love and Enjoy the Journey” just a little more.

Now… it’s YOUR TURN…

I’ll share what I learn next week. Thank you for helping me rip off the band aid on creating again.

In love,
Kate