Words of Connection from Random Pam
By Pam Logue, AKA Pamdolf, Purveyor of random thoughts and witticisms *
Editor’s Note: Pam Loque is a seasoned Enjoy the Journey Retreats attendee and ETJ “Family” member. Recently Pam shared how she randomly sends emails to loved ones with updates about her deeper thoughts and feelings. Of course we asked to be part of her her regular email list and requested to feature a few of her insightful thoughts in our upcoming newsletter. Welcome, readers, to “Random Pam”. If you enjoy this piece and want to hear more, email us to let us know!
I found myself in a low place this past month. I had goals to reach. I had promises I’d made to myself. I had projects I wanted to work on. But I wasn’t able to do any of them.
For most of August I was surrounded by a black cloud of grief and responsibility, dimming once bright ideas, splitting my focus, filling my mind with the relentlessness of it all and the idea that I am unworthy, that I am a person other people don’t want to hear from…that I am an outsider, intruder, unwelcome.
I am not alone in this feeling, this experience. I know this because last weekend at the Affinity Retreat in Vermont, I heard a woman who I greatly admire express that she thought she was a failure. I actually wrote down in my notebook, “How can someone so amazing, think something like that about herself?”. It made me realize that I was doing the same thing. I wasn’t seeing all the things around me, all the signs around me – all the signs from other people who are glad to see me, the wonderful people who loved me for who I am. I wasn’t seeing the beauty of the world.
I realized that I had made the black cloud that blocked the sun.
More importantly, I realized I could unmake it.
How do you unmake a black cloud?
By reaching out.
I was brave and shared my feelings with some of my retreat ladies. They were kind and supportive when I made myself vulnerable. I chose to go to the Affinity Retreat in Vermont where I cried in every yoga class and laughed until my abs hurt with my cabin peeps. I put myself with the wonderful women of ETJ – Christina, Kate, and Heather with the best smile. I sought out connections and filled my aching heart with love and laughter. And in doing so, I healed a bit of myself. There really are no words to express my experience except perhaps gratitude and love.
Today my cup runneth over, and so I say to you all – my sisters in the space – my retreat ladies – my friends! – that I love you. I believe in you. When you find the black cloud forming, just connect to this Random Pam and remember, I know that you are wonderful!
Love,
Random Pam
Invitations
- Contemplation with Kate Lemay always brings us home: “Can I Let Myself Stop Running?”.
- Journey with Christina Alexa through, “What Releasing Distraction has Brought Me”.
- Join community in a FREE Sacred Sunday Yoga class, every week 8 – 8:40 am!
- The Maine Retreat is shaping up to be amazing. Join us in Maine!
