Conscious Evolution: From Imposter Syndrome to Living on Purpose

By Melissa Manville
ETJ Retreat Leader, 500 Hr Yoga Instructor, Reiki Master, Retired School Teacher *

“Missy, do you want to write an article for the ETJ Blog?”

“Sure,” I answered.

At first, I felt ready and eager to dive into an intellectual pursuit—to use my brain the way it had been for the past 35 years as a middle school teacher.
And then came the uncertainty. Gulp!

Imposter syndrome reared its ugly head.

Imposter syndrome is a psychological experience in which a person doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and fears being exposed as a fraud, despite evidence of their competence. For me, it shows up in my gut with a sinking feeling. I learned that more than 70% of people experience imposter syndrome at some point in their lives. Knowing that made me feel a little less alone as I began thinking about what I might write, although it didn’t necessarily make me feel any better.

When feelings of unworthiness, not-enoughness, or “Who do you think you are?” begin to arise, I practice pausing and remind myself that these thoughts are not the truth. They can keep me stuck, disconnected, and unable to move forward. Instead, I drop into my heart.

I feel.

And I consciously cultivate feelings of peace, love, joy, and gratitude.

Peace: Go with the flow. Trust the process.

Love: Write and communicate from the heart, because love is one of the most powerful forces available to us.

Joy: Enjoy the process. Allow yourself to have fun with what is unfolding.

Gratitude: Give thanks for the “get.” I get to share my wisdom. I get to use the tools available to me. I get to make a difference.

I had a long list of topics I was playing with for this article. An idea would pop into my mind, and I’d throw it on my list in Notes on my phone. When I am preparing to write or speak to an audience, I like to let ideas and what I call Universal guidance play together—to simmer and steep until inspiration is born. Next comes the moment of trusting that inspiration and simply getting to it. That’s sometimes the hardest part.

This morning was the time I had carved out to write. When I woke up, I was still playing with the many ideas on my list. Nothing had quite solidified. Imposter syndrome was still rearing its head.

Then I drew a card from Kate Lemay’s Art of Conscious Evolution deck. The card I pulled was Conscious Evolution.

The description reads:
Inspired by Barbara Marx Hubbard, this image symbolizes our quantum jump to a universal humanity. We participate consciously in our evolution. This is the next quantum jump.

Be curious about your gifts.

Be conscious about your choices.

Live on purpose, create conscious communities, and leave this world a better place.

Mantra: I am conscious and curious.

Of course, I chose this painting. Kate Lemay’s Conscious Evolution painting is actually inked onto my arm, along with the words “Live consciously.” Why, out of all the things I could have tattooed on my arm, did I choose this painting?

Because I believe we are the creators of our own lives.

I believe that, as individual sacred beings, we get to choose how we consciously participate in our own evolution. We get to choose how we move through the challenges life puts in front of us.

Is it always easy?

No!

Life can be messy and hard. But life is also impermanent, glorious, joyful, and filled with opportunities for possibility and growth. We are continually given opportunities to consciously choose how we will evolve.

I have a quote attributed to Buddha hanging on the wall in my healing room that reminds me of the power of my thoughts:

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What you think you become.”

Every morning, I read those words and remind myself that what I think creates a feeling, and that feeling matters. So I ask myself:

How can I consciously create a better feeling?

Better yet:

What is the best-feeling thought I can choose in this moment?

I don’t just think about the feeling. I practice feeling it in my body.

Try it.

Take a breath.

Close your eyes if that feels comfortable.

Consciously visualize and feel gratitude.

Feel love.

Feel joy.

Feel peace.

Did you notice a shift in your energy?

This awareness of our feelings is part of what I mean by living on purpose. When we consciously choose the energy we bring into a moment, we are also contributing to the energy of the community around us. What we feel and embody is expressed through our words, our actions, our presence, and the way we interact with others.

So simply by being you—by choosing the most authentic, loving, peaceful, joyful version of yourself available to you in any given moment—you are contributing to the creation of conscious community. You are leaving the world a little better through the energy you bring to it.

And perhaps this is where imposter syndrome fits into the bigger picture. Imposter syndrome often begins with a fear of not being enough:

I can’t do it like that.

I’m not good enough to do that.

Who do I think I am?

But of course you can’t do it like that.

You’re not supposed to.

You are supposed to do it like you. There is no other you.

When we compare ourselves to someone else, we move away from our own unique gifts and wisdom. When we remember that we are continually evolving, we can release the pressure to already have everything figured out.

We don’t have to be perfect. We don’t have to know exactly where we’re going. We simply have to stay curious, stay conscious, and keep moving.
This is conscious evolution.

In my yoga classes, I often talk about what I call the higher frequencies of thought and feeling: gratitude, love, joy, and peace.

The more often we practice connecting with these states, the more familiar they become. Over time, choosing them can become a habit—a way of being. It’s not always easy, but with practice it becomes easier.

For me, these higher frequencies also create a sense of connection to something greater than myself. You might call it God, Universe, Source, Divine Intelligence, Creator or something else entirely. The name isn’t what matters, what matters is the experience of connection.

And gratitude is one of the simplest places to begin.

The other day, our son was bemoaning having to mow the lawn. I reminded him that he “gets to” mow his lawn, because he has a lawn and a mower. Changing “I have to” into “I get to” can shift a feeling into gratitude.

Instead of:

I have to write this article.

I can say:

I get to write this article.

I get to share my wisdom.

I get to use the tools and experiences I’ve gathered over a lifetime.

I get to connect with others.

I get to contribute.

I get to learn.

I get to grow.

That small shift in language can create a profound movement in how we feel.

And perhaps that is what conscious living really is: noticing the thoughts we are thinking, noticing how those thoughts feel in our bodies, and consciously choosing what we want to cultivate. Not because we can control everything. We can’t. But because we can choose how we participate.

We can choose curiosity.

We can choose gratitude.

We can choose love.

We can choose joy.

We can choose peace.

We can choose to live consciously.

And maybe, in doing so, we discover that we were never imposters at all. We were simply becoming more fully ourselves.

Much love to each of you and your beautiful sacred selves.

Thank you for being gifts in my life. 🙏

With Love,
Missy

 
Invitations:

• Christina Alexa explores Sidestepping Adversity this week, with narration in her own (imperfect) voice!
• ETJ Retreat Leader Jenny Warner is back with some helpful tips about how to Clear the Way! AI audio available.
• Early Bird Rate is extended for Camp Hi-Rock in MA, Oct 16 – 18! Join us for Clarity in MA!
• Win the Golden ticket! Join community in a FREE Sacred Sunday Yoga class, every week 8 – 8:40 am!